Back again

You'll notice that once again there's been a lapse. I had a weekend in Melbourne where I drank, ate cheeses for dinner, Acland St pastries for breakfast, and generally didn't watch anything. That saw me bouncing back up to 75.9ish and I've struggled with motivation ever since. I weighed in a week ago at 75.7kg and today after a bit more concerted effort I'm back to:

This weekend is my birthday and I'm headed back to Melbourne for my 35th birthday. I'm excited to be there but nervous about this cycle just repeating. So I need to find some resolve and strategies to manage it.

Currently strawberries are my favourite bit of sweetness. And with a teensy bit of cream for dessert they feel pretty decadent but actually are not too bad!

Also worth a mention here is that I bought my first car this week. It's very exciting but I haven't got it yet. Dad will bring it from the city in a few days and it's all very exciting!

Static numbers

I managed the weekend well and kept to my shakes + dinner combo mainly. Yesterday included a blip of 4 ferrero rocher's, but thankfully I had increased my exercise to compensate. I'm still feeling heaps better than I was, but the numbers are staying static this week on 74.5kg. I might need an extra push to get me over the line this week.

Results are in #Week1

Drum roll please...

74.3kgs

Down from 77kgs last Saturday.

Loss of 2.7kgs

Hurrah! I'm pretty happy with this result so far.

One Chin or Two?

One of the things that keeps me really motivated to lose weight is the fact that I very easily get a double chin. I know, I know. This blog is such a f*&^%$ First World Problem.
"oooo I live in such a rich country that I have the opportunity to eat too much and still have a roof over my head"...Get a grip, woman!

And yes, the feminist I have been actively been for the past 20 years absolutely hates the fact that I give a fuck about my weight. It's what's on the inside that counts, blah blah blah. It's all true. My vision of beauty is entirely patriarchal. I have been shaped by the dominant and narrow views of beauty as a number. But then again, what's my alternative?

Avoid mirrors, bathers, beaches, sex with lights on, dancing, performing, fitted clothes, shopping all together? I am familiar with avoiding all of these things, and feel like I need to at certain points. And it just doesn't work for me.

I feel horrible in myself when I am not actively controlling what I put into my mouth. I can feel so relaxed when eating pizza on the couch, that for the first couple of months of allowing myself not to track calories vs exercise, that I can fool myself into thinking that I am happy. But the symptoms of my 'relaxed' approach always seem to seep through. I always begin to bulge, not fit into clothes, resist buying larger ones that actually fit (cause I feel like I have to admit that I 'failed') and then have nothing to wear, feeling even more frumpy than I otherwise might.

So here I am. Able to admit that there are flaws in my feminist logic. That I too, am perpetuating a narrow vision of beauty. But I am reframing it to both myself and others as being about 'health', and for me, that first step is about increasing exercise, and decreasing overall crap food intake.  It has worked before, it will work again, but in the meantime I just have to accept that there are other emotional benefits for me in controlling my body - some of which are rational, and some of which are not.

This morning, with 24 hours left until weigh in, the scales sang me a 74.7kgs result. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Cheers,
A
xx

'No-Power' is a muscle, if you don't use it, you lose it

So far, so good. 

I have continued to have my 3 shakes a day + dinner, and add more exercise to my life each day. I'm feeling great, motivated, and the preliminary weigh-in's are telling me there's movement at the weight loss station.

I had forgotten how good it feels to say 'no'. No to extra food that doesn't ever fill a gap. No to the feeling of guilt. No to feeling thick and gluggy. No, I won't let myself down today.

It was a real test of will (or won't) power yesterday as I went to the movies with Mum & A. There were plenty of treats waiting for me as usual, and this time I prepared. I took with me a punnet of strawberries and some specially chosen chocolate in portion control sizes. Besides a single handful of popcorn and slurp of Coke Zero, I had my strawberries and didn't feel like I was missing out much. Then on my return home I had my allocated chocolate treats.

I feel good for being strong in myself. For controlling my appetite and remembering this skill that I had learned so well over the last few years, but then over the past 12 months have gradually 'forgotten'.
Everything in moderation is okay.

For me, it's about tracking intake vs output and being mindful and in charge of my body. I think I have to accept that being mindful of my body will be a life long reality, and that rather than resisting it, I need to just accept that I can't eat mindlessly and still feel good about myself. It's a slippery slope.

Today the scales said I was under 75kgs for the first time in a while - 74.8kgs, but then I won't really take that as a proper figure until my allocated Weigh Day (Saturday) which will mark exactly 1 week of trying hard. At that point I will look at the starting weight of 77kgs and celebrate any loss from that point. 2 more sleeps until Weigh Day. I want to make sure that's a happy result, so I will keep on trying.

Things to work on? 
- Drinking more water. 
- Complaining about the world less. 
- Including some gentle jogging in my morning and evening puppy walks

Til then,

Anita x

Keeping on, keeping on.

It was a pretty good weekend for me. A good mixture of rest, romance, family time, puppy time and good eating/exercise. I got to meet some new friends and after a meltdown on my Mum's shoulder about some longstanding 'stuff', the world seemed bright again. 

I've managed to keep the eating under control with the shakes and I've not been too hungry at any point. 

I got excited about the scales saying 75 again this morning but I know I won't be able to tell until Saturday, which will be exactly a week in. This is the hardest phase. I've learned that before and I think it will be a good test of my will power. I find it easier at work than at home to resist temptation so long as I don't have to go looking for lunch. 

I measured again this morning for a good reference point. The photos were also taken this morning too. I regretted not having them last time I tried to get to a healthy weight. 

This blog is mainly for maintaining my own motivation, but if it helps you at all, do let me know!

Cheers,
Anita

The 'before photos'

Keeping on

Feeling pretty happy with myself this morning. Managed to finally have a day where I didn't blow my calories out by a million. I had a quiet night and began to learn to knit, which I actually am enjoying. 

Trying not to get too excited about the scales this morning, which told me that first thing in the morning with no clothes on, I weigh 75.4kgs

We'll see how this all continues.

It's hard, the shake diets have such bad reps (for many good reasons) that I don't want to be too open about it with loved ones because I know they'll be concerned. So I'm laying low about it right now, and seeing how I go with it. It's just a way to fuel the motivation right now. 

Back to the grind

So clearly that last bout of 'motivation' couldn't last the 30 mins a day. Le Sigh. 
So here I am again.

What's changed? Since then I got a new puppy and dealt with sleepless nights and a whole change in routine. Despite walking an hour and a half a day with him, I'm still going up on the scales and increasing the sizes I need at Target. I dislike this immensely. I feel unsexy, lethargic, thick, depressed and disappointed in myself. 

So time to regroup. No more excuses. I've done it before, I can do it again.
Also, a picture of Theo for general 'nawws' 

Starting stats
Weight 77kgs
BMI 28/ Overweight
Calculate yours here: Australian Heart Foundation BMI Calculator

Measurements
I need to measure again soon but I'm size 16 Target pants and a 12-14 top. A very squeezy size 12 dress but really a 14. 

Apps & Aides
Lifesum App on iphone (great for calorie counting)

Goals
1kg per week loss of weight. Gradual reduction in measurements. Gradual increase in fitness.

Milestone 1
8kgs which would see me back under 70kgs at 69.5kgs
Deadline: September 26th

Milestone 2
Another 5 kgs by October 31st (weight 64.5kgs)

Milestone 3
Another 5 kgs by December 5th (59.5kgs)

Week 1:
As much as I am normally really anti the whole shake-based diet thing, I really need a kickstart to see some results. So I am doing a week of the Celebrity Slim Rapid phase. I began today and am adding 'Nature's Way: Super Greens + Carob' supplements for extra nutrients. I intend to post here regularly for my own motivation if nothing else. 

Watch this space for progress.
Yours in hopeful motivation,

A x