Impromy... My, my, my...

I'm at it again. After falling off the wagon again, and having a lovely holiday where  I didn't give two hoots about what I ate, I'm back here trying to shed the kilos.

I've started this diet http://impromy.com/ and so far, it's working well.

1.8kgs down in the first week.

Adding exercise to the mix

I haven't weighed in for a while, mainly because I'm scared. I've been eating waaaaayyyyyy too much chocolate and general crap. I have been on a crap bonanza, a crabonanza, if you will.

But I have done something momentous. I have joined the gym. I have also been to said gym twice in 2 days. AND I've re-jigged my work schedule to ensure that I can hit the gym in my lunch breaks each and every work day. That is 5 workouts a week (minimum). This HAS to equal results.

Feeling proud.
Also gassy. Shakes are like a quick-bloat stinkathon. I am thinking of returning to:

Chai in the morning

Soup and roll for lunch

Light dinner.

This gave me huge results last time. I can do this!

Hey ya!

So, the diet went out the window for my Festival of Birthday. I had a lovely time, but with some added unexpected stressors, I ate emotionally like I haven't for a while. Gah.

The scales are again telling tales.

It's my weigh day and today I was 75.4kg. Another rise. Damn.

So back in the groove today, and I feel a bit better for it. I just need to remember how much better when I feel in control.

Back again

You'll notice that once again there's been a lapse. I had a weekend in Melbourne where I drank, ate cheeses for dinner, Acland St pastries for breakfast, and generally didn't watch anything. That saw me bouncing back up to 75.9ish and I've struggled with motivation ever since. I weighed in a week ago at 75.7kg and today after a bit more concerted effort I'm back to:

This weekend is my birthday and I'm headed back to Melbourne for my 35th birthday. I'm excited to be there but nervous about this cycle just repeating. So I need to find some resolve and strategies to manage it.

Currently strawberries are my favourite bit of sweetness. And with a teensy bit of cream for dessert they feel pretty decadent but actually are not too bad!

Also worth a mention here is that I bought my first car this week. It's very exciting but I haven't got it yet. Dad will bring it from the city in a few days and it's all very exciting!

Static numbers

I managed the weekend well and kept to my shakes + dinner combo mainly. Yesterday included a blip of 4 ferrero rocher's, but thankfully I had increased my exercise to compensate. I'm still feeling heaps better than I was, but the numbers are staying static this week on 74.5kg. I might need an extra push to get me over the line this week.

Results are in #Week1

Drum roll please...

74.3kgs

Down from 77kgs last Saturday.

Loss of 2.7kgs

Hurrah! I'm pretty happy with this result so far.

One Chin or Two?

One of the things that keeps me really motivated to lose weight is the fact that I very easily get a double chin. I know, I know. This blog is such a f*&^%$ First World Problem.
"oooo I live in such a rich country that I have the opportunity to eat too much and still have a roof over my head"...Get a grip, woman!

And yes, the feminist I have been actively been for the past 20 years absolutely hates the fact that I give a fuck about my weight. It's what's on the inside that counts, blah blah blah. It's all true. My vision of beauty is entirely patriarchal. I have been shaped by the dominant and narrow views of beauty as a number. But then again, what's my alternative?

Avoid mirrors, bathers, beaches, sex with lights on, dancing, performing, fitted clothes, shopping all together? I am familiar with avoiding all of these things, and feel like I need to at certain points. And it just doesn't work for me.

I feel horrible in myself when I am not actively controlling what I put into my mouth. I can feel so relaxed when eating pizza on the couch, that for the first couple of months of allowing myself not to track calories vs exercise, that I can fool myself into thinking that I am happy. But the symptoms of my 'relaxed' approach always seem to seep through. I always begin to bulge, not fit into clothes, resist buying larger ones that actually fit (cause I feel like I have to admit that I 'failed') and then have nothing to wear, feeling even more frumpy than I otherwise might.

So here I am. Able to admit that there are flaws in my feminist logic. That I too, am perpetuating a narrow vision of beauty. But I am reframing it to both myself and others as being about 'health', and for me, that first step is about increasing exercise, and decreasing overall crap food intake.  It has worked before, it will work again, but in the meantime I just have to accept that there are other emotional benefits for me in controlling my body - some of which are rational, and some of which are not.

This morning, with 24 hours left until weigh in, the scales sang me a 74.7kgs result. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Cheers,
A
xx